The first chapter is done! It weighs in at 15 pages 1.5 spaced and justified. The chapters from The Vorpal Library were five to six pages double spaced, so you have some reading ahead of you. Please give me feedback. There are a few rough spots that still bug me, so anything that stands out, let me know. Also...you know, tell me about the good stuff, cuz I know it's in there somewhere!
I'm starting on Chapter 2 tonight if I can get my Geology done in time. I make no guarantees about having it up by Friday, though, because of the sheer size of the first chapter. I wrote the last of this in a three-hour marathon stretch, and I don't normally have that kind of time.
A link to the .pdf can be found here, for those who would prefer that format.
Chapter 1- Rykon
His day had been going downhill long before the sleep systems shorted and the passengers began awakening. Last night electrical systems had begun failing across the ship, and as a result he was working off two hours of sleep and roughly ten hours of stress. To make matters worse, the Council had decided to call an emergency meeting, so he would have to spend the next four hours locked up in a boardroom with nine of the biggest snits in the entire Fleet. Rykon was a man of action, and would much prefer overseeing the ship's repairs to arguing pointlessly over what to do next. It was simple really; if a system is broken, it needed to be fixed. Was the bureaucracy really needed to come to this conclusion?
He stomped down the hall, trying his best not to make eye contact with the drowsy and confused passengers emerging left and right. If one began to speak to him, he gave them a grumpy stare and increased his pace. The other officers could waste time explaining what was happening. It was not in his job description. In all honesty, Rykon didn't really like people. Most of the time this fact did not matter because his job kept him well away from the passengers. Granted, he did have forty coworkers, but five years of hard work had ensured that they would go out of their way to avoid him whenever possible. Unfortunately, it had not been enough to prevent the Commander from choosing him to be a member of the Council. The Council embodied everything he detested about his job. The woman from Old Earth was the worst, especially since trapping the Commander into a relationship three years back. Now no one dared counter her, and any time he spoke out against her everyone dismissed his complaint as mere spitefulness. When it came to his job he tried to be as impartial as possible, despite how he felt about his coworkers, and as a result found it infuriating if anyone suggested his motives were anything but unbiased.
That damned woman. Most everyone else on the Council adored her, and followed her around like lost infant animals. Andir had attached himself to her during their basic training, and his big brown eyes had been brimming over with adulation for seven years now. The idiot had left his home planet for her, was perfectly miserable, and still would not move on and settle for someone else. He also had yet to get up the guts to tell her how he felt, and for someone who is supposed to be an empath she seemed absolutely oblivious to his inner turmoil. Not particularly heartening, considering that talent was the reason why she had been sought out and recruited off her forsaken rock of a home by the Fleet in the first place. No, she was too busy doting on the Commander, trying desperately to convince herself that he liked her for her and not for her rarity. The worst part of it was that she was stunningly beautiful. When they first met he had lain awake nights fantasizing about running his hands through her hair, which was so long it approached obscenity. Unfortunately, the more he got to know her, the less he was able to separate her image from her essence, and now looking at her was the equivalent of gazing upon a spoiled painting.
He surged around a corner and almost ran into another officer, but managed to dodge at the last minute. The other man was not quite so lucky, and ended up running into the right-hand wall in a startled attempt to avoid him.
“Rykon, would it kill you to watch where you're going?” he sputtered, straightening indignantly.
“How unfortunate. I was under the impression that to be accepted into the Fleet one must know how to walk, but it seems I was mistaken. In the future, I suggest you try your best not to hold your fellow officers back with your clumsiness.”
Rykon allowed himself the pleasure of a humorless smile and watched his words take effect. The man's pale, freckled skin quickly colored, but he shut his mouth, ducked his head, and pushed roughly past to continue on his way. He was one of the junior officers, but Rykon had yet to bother learning their names. They weren't of much use in any case, and it would be a waste of his time to interact with them. That was something she would do. She befriended people simply because they were there, and it was sickening to see how all the people on the ship fawned over her. She simpered and smiled and made them feel special, but he could see that she didn't care any more than he did. He sensed weakness in her, a desperate need for approval, so she did all she could to surround herself with admirers. She was lonely, but she wasn't strong enough to deal with it. Disgusting.
He felt a vein in his temple throbbing, but he couldn't tell whether it was the speed of his walking or the topic his brain was worrying at. Added to the stress of an already long day, dwelling on her was more than he could take. The thought of shutting himself up in a stuffy room with her and her lackeys made him claustrophobic. One day he wouldn't be able to take it anymore. He would snap, request a transfer, and start over with an entirely new crew to alienate.
Unless, that is, he finally found a way to hurt her. He couldn't stand the fact that she had so much of an effect on him and he seemed to have no effect on her. Everything he said, everything he did, she managed to brush away like it was nothing, leaving him helpless and infuriated time and again. But there had to be a way.
Clenching his fists, he crossed the threshold into the Council antechamber and went straight for the drink counter. He grabbed the first cold thing he saw, tilted his head back, and downed it in five ravenous gulps. The iced glass felt invigorating against the fresh nail marks in the palm of his hand. Anger always made him thirsty. He ran one hand shakily through his hair, focusing on its texture in an attempt to calm himself down. As the thick waves ran between his fingers, he forced himself to take several deep breaths. Soon he felt slightly more composed. He put the empty glass down and turned to study the room, rubbing his damp palms against his pant legs to dry them. There were only two other Council members in the room. The first was an oversized buffoon of a man, native to Newearth, who thought more with his biceps than he did with his brain. His name was Akkar, and he was one of her favorite lackeys. Which was, of course, why she was standing right next to him.
Neither of them had seen him yet, so he took the opportunity to scrutinize them both. They were standing close together, talking animatedly in a fashion that would probably make the Commander jealous. Her entire face was alight, her mouth smiling and her eyes happy as she brushed a loose strand of her hair back against her temples. It was the color of coffee, only slightly darker than her skin. He was leaning over her, not hard to do to someone as short as she, and grinning in a lecherous fashion, which seemed to be what was making her giggle. Rykon was too far away to hear what they were saying, but he knew Akkar's sense of humor well enough to know he was in the middle of one of his many loud and raunchy jokes. She was probably only laughing because they had been friends since basic training. Old Earth natives as a rule had underdeveloped senses of humor. Not surprising for a race that spends their life as prey to nearly every other living creature on their planet. Every time he looked at her or Andir he counted himself lucky that he was born where humans were at the top of the food chain. Too bad that idiot Akkar had managed to do the same. He would have made a lovely meal for the beasts.
He took a last deep breath, grabbing two glasses of iced tea from the counter before approaching the duo. They soon turned to watch him near, which gave him the opportunity to watch Akkar's easy smile fade and morph into a glower. She continued smiling, but the laughter her eyes faded, and their warmth faded with it and left them looking cold, like lapis glass. Both their reactions to his presence were typical. It was going to be a long meeting.
“Hello, Alanai,” he said, proffering a glass with his left hand. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Akkar take note that there was neither a greeting nor a glass for him. His skin became blotchy, but he showed no other sign of anger. Rykon had approached her head on, which had forced him to move aside, and this had effectively shouldered him out of the conversation completely. If he did anything to correct this, he would seem rude, which was what had him so angry. With Akkar, it was the little things that were the most effective at getting under his skin.
“Hello, Rykon. This drink is poisoned, I assume?” She blinked up at him as she spoke, briefly concealing her eyes from him. They were so blue that in seven years of knowing her his chest still tightened painfully when she made eye contact. He felt it happen now and momentarily felt like a schoolboy, a sensation made worse by the certainty that the interaction didn't cause her a similar pain. He was confident, however, that his emotions would not show. Even she, a psychic, could not read him, which gave him no small amount of satisfaction. He had worked hard to become inscrutable.
“Not today, I'm afraid. It seems as though your talents will actually be useful for the next few hours, and I would hate to deny you the novelty of having a job to do.”
Akkar clenched his fists and began to step forward, but she stopped him with a look. Turning back to Rykon, she lifted the glass to her lips and took a sip. “How kind of you.” Her voice was as always guarded, demure. She had no accent, but the way she treated her words always felt awkward to the ear. She did not wear the common language comfortably; listening to her speak was like watching someone try to run in too-large shoes.
As she lowered the glass, he stole a glance at her lips. The drink had moistened them, and his chest tightened further as he took note of how they reflected the ambient light of the room. His breath caught, and he looked reflexively over her head at the wall behind her. No matter how much he denied it, seeing her always reminded him how hopelessly in love with her he was. And despite having known this for seven years, he had never been able to forgive her for it. Love was supposed to be a pure feeling that brought out the best in people and made miserable people happy. Rykon was not sure what it said about him that loving her had made him a worse man. He was not even sure he would have felt any different had she felt similarly for him. He didn't like what love did to him; loving someone meant being weak, and he had never been good at letting people in. He was forced to love her at the expense of himself, and that is what hurt.
He could tell Alanai had noted the sudden shift in his body language, but she could not have understood its source. He glanced at her face again and found her scrutinizing him, trying her best to get some sort of feel for what he was thinking. Her eyes narrowed as he forced himself to relax, and he felt the familiar sensation at the edges of his thoughts that occurred every time she tried to use her abilities to read his emotions. He fought her like he always did, and soon she backed off with a frown. She was opening her mouth to speak again when Akkar grabbed her arm gently and shook his head, gesturing behind Rykon with his eyes. Someone else had just entered the room, and judging by his reaction he was not pleased to see the new arrival. Alanai gave a small nod to Rykon before moving away with her friend to the other end of the antechamber.
Rykon did not turn to see who was approaching, because the strong scent she was wearing made identifying her possible without seeing her face. Aislyn was the only officer aboard who ever bothered with perfume, and it was not surprising that she had remembered it even in the day's chaos. To any other officer, himself included, the injured ship was their number one priority, which they saw to instinctively, not just because it was their job. Aislyn, unsurprisingly, was treating the entire event as a nuisance, which is likely all she perceived it as. Her arrival easily explained the quick departure of Alanai and Akkar; theirs was an enmity nearly a decade old. He heard her striding towards him purposefully, accentuated by the solid soles of the heeled shoes she was wearing. Since he didn't seem to have much of a choice in the matter, he turned around to give a greeting. Eyes as green as his own burned in to him emotionlessly as they made eye contact. He and Aislyn were not what he would call enemies, but were certainly far from friends, so he was surprised to find her so determined to speak to him. Aislyn was one of the few women he respected, mostly because she was just as ruthless as he, so he did his best to look pleasant.
“Rykon, are you dreading this grand waste of time as much as I am?”
“Certainly not anymore. I see you are as ravishing as ever, Aislyn.” He reached for her hand and raised it to his mouth. She acknowledged the gesture with a soft laugh.
“Does anyone believe your flattery?”
“None who know me, and unfortunately you know as well as I how long we have been among these buffoons.”
“Please, don't remind me. I'd rather talk about anything else.”
She stepped close to him, uncomfortably so, and looked up at him. Aislyn was not a short woman, but even she only came up to Rykon's chin. People from their planet tended to be tall, and he was tall by their standards. Her skin was pale, like his, and free of markings. The only thing unusual about her features was her hair. Most people from Newearth had wavy hair, darkly colored, but hers was a light blonde, and straight. He had never asked to confirm, but he was certain one of her parents was from Kiran; it was the only way she could have inherited such an unusual feature. She raised up on her toes and leaned against him, bringing her lips against his ear. Her breath tickled his skin as she spoke again.
“How do you feel about meeting me back in my quarters to unwind if we manage to make it through this meeting without dying of boredom?” She pressed one of her hands to his shoulder and smiled up at him.
He looked down at her impassively. Rykon was well aware that Aislyn had absolutely no interest in him. She had been pining after the Commander long before Alanai had been brought to the training center to join their crew. It was clear that she wanted something, but he was also aware that she was willing to be as persuasive as necessary to get her way. He could feel the warmth of her through his uniform, and it was making him more than slightly uncomfortable. He resisted the urge to clear his throat.
“Do I really have a choice?”
She pressed her lips to his ear again, squeezing her fingers into his shoulder gently. “Not really. I can get nasty if you really want me to, but I think you and I can make each other happy without causing a scene.”
Interesting. He had not expected a veiled threat. Rykon looked down at her appraisingly, his curiosity fully piqued. “Well put. It's a date.”
She released his shoulder and took a step back, moving back out of his personal space. Clearly she had said all she needed to say, and was turning to go. As she began to walk away, she looked at him over her shoulder.
“If you're lucky.”
The grin he gave her as she left him was genuine. Aislyn was devious, but he always knew where he stood with her. As long as she thought him useful, everything would be fine between them. He scanned the room to pass the time, noting how many other Council members had arrived, and mused on what she wanted. It must be important if she was willing to threaten blackmail just to get him to speak with her. Most people didn't use that as an opening move. Blackmail was a last ditch effort, which meant that she was worried he wouldn't like what she had planned. The day seemed to be shaping up. He grinned down at his ice cubes and quaffed the last bit of tea in his glass. Now that he had something other than their quickly failing ship to occupy his mind, the Council meeting seemed far more tolerable.
Rykon returned his focus to the room, and quickly became amused at how closely the social connections of the members reflected their Council agendas. Alanai was in the thick of a group comprised entirely of other empaths. Akkar was there, as was Amira, the only resident from Oceanus among their crew. Closest to her side was Andir, looking sad and furtive as always. Rykon could never quite put his finger on it, but there was something about his carriage that always made him seem uncomfortable. Maybe it was the fact that his uniform never looked quite convincing on him. Every time Rykon saw him, it was almost like he could see the Native in his leathers underneath the veneer of training given by the Fleet.
The other members of the Council were not psychics, and were also much older and less prone to rash judgments, or so they liked to tell themselves. Damon and Megara, the two eldest members of the crew, were standing close to the drink bar, speaking with serious faces. Damon was the veteran of two failed colonies and one civil war, while Megara was a citizen of the desert planet Midbar. Both were used to a life of hardship, and while having little in common, still cultivated a friendship because of their respect for each other's pasts. Rykon could not stand either of them; he had never understood what made them think they were entitled to that much arrogance.
He and Aislyn were the least liked the entire Council, so the fact that both of them were standing on their own was unsurprising. She was on the other end of the room, derisively studying the other empaths. The ninth member was also alone, simply because he had just entered and was not ready to join in on one of the other conversations. Then again, Mathias did not often speak except to vote after everyone else had argued the issue into pointlessness. Rykon respected his brevity, though he often wished Mathias would make more of an effort to encourage the trait in the rest of the Council.
Five people with registered psychic power in the Fleet, and five people without. Before he joined the Council he would have been surprised to learn that this is was significant division. It did make sense to him, however, that those who spent the majority of their time reading the minds of others would not see eye to eye with those that existed in the utter isolation of their own psyche. Unfortunately, neither side seemed capable of understanding the other, which is generally what made these meetings so painful in the first place. The empaths forgot that the others could not think as a collective, and the non-psychics didn't even understand the division existed at all. Rykon possessed limited power, too much to leave him oblivious to this dichotomy, but not enough to be recognized by the Fleet and given a new name. He was his own person, but could reach out to someone else if absolutely necessary. It was a process he found absolutely distasteful, a fact which his trainers had blamed on his inability to progress and hone his abilities. He had resented the stagnation of his talent at first, but after years of watching the side effects felt by strong empaths like Alanai and Andir on a near daily basis, he had begun to think of his so-called failing as a strength.
Rykon was beginning to get bored despite his best efforts to the contrary. He had lived among these people for a decade, after all, and their newness had faded long ago. The Fleet kept everyone together from training to retirement because of a mistaken impression that it would help make the ship feel like home. To him, the ship would never feel like home, but that did not mean he was homesick for Newearth. On the contrary, he had left that planet and never looked back, and had yet to regret his decision. Unfortunately, that sense of freedom was not enough to keep them from feeling claustrophobic on these long journeys. He hadn't had solid ground underneath his feet in four years, and it was likely the strain was starting to get to him.
A movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention, and he was pleased to see that the Commander had finally arrived. Kevin was looking more than a little haggard today, and Rykon certainly was not envying him his job. The rest of the Council had the common sense to move into the meeting room without any delay. He allowed the others to file in before him, so was able to watch as Alanai and Kevin shared a quick greeting. Neither of them spoke, but Kevin's emotions were so obvious that it really wouldn't have been necessary. She stood on tiptoe and smoothed his bedraggled hair lovingly, then rested her hands against his palms for a moment. He gave her hands a quick squeeze before dropping them and striding purposefully towards the meeting room. She looked after him, clearly worried, before surprising Rykon by turning to him. Apparently he was not being as unobtrusive of an observer as he had thought.
“Let us get this over with.” She brushed a strand of loose hair out of her eyes again, and he was struck by how exhausted she appeared. It made him wonder whether he looked much better off. Probably only slightly; they had all been awake since the malfunctions began, but she had been using her abilities all morning, while he had simply been running around barking orders and receiving reports. He was well aware that it was likely only due to her, Andir, and Amira's hard work that there had not been widespread panic on the ship. Rykon suddenly felt very selfish, and instinctively concealed his guilt with a sarcastic remark.
“I was under the impression you found these meetings useful.”
She sighed. “They are necessary, but there are countless other problems that should be occupying my time right now.” Alanai took a step closer and looked up at him appraisingly, ignoring the hair that had fallen back into her eyes. He resisted the urge to brush it away and waited for her to speak again.
“Will you do something for me?”
Rykon raised an eyebrow at her noncommittally. First Aislyn, now Alanai asking for a favor. If things continued on this way, Amira was going to corner him after the meeting and be equally cryptic.
“I want this meeting to go quickly. So does everyone else, including you, judging by how tired your eyes look.”
Her phrasing insinuated that she was trying and failing yet again to read him, but she was also reminding him that it was impossible to shut her out entirely. He felt himself getting defensive. “You must be psychic.”
Alanai pursed her lips, clearly annoyed. He instantly regretted his choice of words, and quickly stemmed his sarcasm. “I know what you're getting at. I don't know why you think I disagree with you just to be difficult--”
“No, I do not think that. You have never fought me out of spitefulness, no matter how it may seem to anyone else.”
He was unable to hide his surprise at this. “Then what are you asking, exactly?”
“Try to work with us so we can all get out of here and back to our jobs as quickly as possible. Everyone is on a short fuse right now, Rykon, and you unfortunately are the most likely to set them all off. They will be looking for trouble, and I am too tired to keep everyone in hand.”
He gave a short laugh. “Then why should I go in at all?”
She looked up at him earnestly, her blue eyes for once unguarded. “Because we need you. Or did you think you were put on the Council as punishment?” At this she turned and walked into the meeting room without a glance back. Rykon was left alone in the antechamber wondering exactly why he had been placed on the Council, and at whose request. Could she have petitioned the Commander? He could think of no reason why. The atmosphere had not exactly become more positive since his enstatement. Rykon rubbed at his eyes. He felt too tired to think clearly anymore.
He let enough time pass to make sure it didn't seem as though he and Alanai had walked in together by taking the opportunity to grab another cold glass of tea from the drink bar. The Commander stared at him as he walked in to take his place at the large table that dominated the center of the room.
“Rykon, so nice of you to join us.”
He forced himself to grin apologetically at the room. “Sorry to keep you waiting, but I was grabbing a drink for Akkar.” He set the glass of tea down, delighting internally that he had managed to both remind Akkar of an earlier slight and give the Council a seemingly legitimate reason for being the last person in the room. He could tell that Alanai had been right; if he could annoy the Commander simply by walking into the room, it was likely that everyone else would be on a short fuse as well. He would have to take her advice and remain as low-key as possible if they were to get anything done. Rykon took his seat quickly and looked towards the Commander, signaling that he was ready to begin. The other eight members did the same.
“Alright, we should probably start off by discussing exactly what happened here. Obviously systems have been failing all over the ship, but have we found a cause yet?”
Rykon looked around the table to make sure no one else was about to speak before replying. “Sir, the problem appears to have originated from the Botanics Room. One of my officers contacted me about 15 minutes before the electrical systems started failing. Apparently the sealant was faulty on the floor of a large saltwater tank that was being used to house several species of algae. The water had corroded a hole in the bottom of the tank and quickly flooded the ductwork of the entire level. Unless anyone else has a better explanation, I believe that this is the source of all our issues.”
The Commander sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “How much water was lost before this was caught?”
“A little less than half the tank, sir, meaning several hundred units. There were some logistical issues involved with stopping the leak. We discovered that the ship's emergency supplies do not include anything useful for correcting a water leak of that scale and ended up having to remove one of the main suite doors and placing it over the corroded area. The pressure of the water above it is enough to hold it in place against the hole, but a small amount of water is still steadily seeping through, and we are not sure of more holes will open in the interim. All of my offices are currently working on a better fix, but I have not yet heard from them.”
He looked around the table and watched this information sink in. Alanai, Amira, and Andir were already deep in a mental conversation judging by the inward focus of their eyes. Even Aislyn looked concerned, though she was probably just worried about her own safety rather than the state of the ship.. Damon and Megara's jaws were set tightly, and Matthias was shaking his head in worry. The Commander was the only one acting; he used the control panel set into the wood of the table to pull up a diagram of the ship's ductwork.
Akkar studied the plans briefly before turning to the Commander and exclaiming “Sir, this is very, very bad. The water could be practically anywhere by now.”
Aislyn rolled her eyes in annoyance. “How bad is this really going to get? The Botanics Room is in the very bottom of the ship, and last I checked water did not flow upward.”
Andir cut in quietly. “It would if the gravity systems fail.”
There was a pause as the rest of the Council assimilated this. Rykon was glad that they had come to this conclusion so quickly. It usually took them longer. He wondered whether Andir had realized this on his own, or if Alanai or Amira had done so. He had a feeling that the Natives would have been more likely to realize this. One of the advantages to growing up without technology was never making the mistake of taking it for granted.
“Akkar, can you tell us where all the support systems are located?” The Commander asked tiredly.
“I'll show you.” He accessed the ship's electrical plans and began pointing at the most important areas. “So far our navigation, sleep, and elevator systems have failed. What Rykon said makes sense, because they're all built into compartments beneath the Botanics Room. Luckily, both the climate control and the gravitation system's computers are two decks up, located directly beneath Control. I think it will be pretty unlikely for the water to reach that far, but the secondary effects caused by the flooding could still have massive impacts on the ship.”
Damon, who had been looking much less upset, looked at Akkar incredulously. “What do you mean by secondary effects?”
Matthias cut in before Akkar could answer. “The systems aren't just shutting down, Damon. They are shorting out. This entire ship is made of metal, and a good chunk of the lower portion of it is currently flooded with water. Electricity could be going anywhere. ”
The Commander looked pale. “We're going to have to shut everything down.”
Megara gave a short, humorless laugh. “We can't exactly do that. We're in the middle of space. These systems are the only thing keeping us alive.”
“It looks like we will have to land.” Alanai looked around reasonably at the others as if this were the most natural solution in the world. Rykon waited for the rest of their plan to come out before expressing his skepticism.
“And just where do you suggest we do that?” Aislyn asked.
“Actually,” Amira began, “we're not very far from a habitable planet. According to the maps, it's called Typhon. We may be able to find a landing place there and tend to our ship.”
One of them seemed to have done plenty of initial research before coming to this meeting. Alanai's plea to work with her made much more sense now. It was a perfectly sensible plan, but he was not sure it had come to that yet. He caught Alanai's attention and looked at her as he spoke.
“Before you make plans to try to land are critically wounded ship in some uninhabited rock in the middle of nowhere, maybe we should make a more organized survey of the extent of the damage? It is possible that there is an easy fix we are not seeing. We should at least gave our electrical crew sometime to see what they think.” He almost winced as his voice trailed off. It had sounded far ruder out loud than he had intended, and he felt a pang as Alanai dropped her gaze to the table. He wondered if she could tell he was trying to take her advice, and also wondered if it really mattered. She would not be happy unless he agreed with her implicitly like the rest of her friends.
There was another pause as the other members considered his suggestion. Eventually, the Commander nodded. “Let's do that first. Landing the ship would cause more problems with the passengers than it would solve, I think. I would prefer to think of that as a final resort. Why don't we take a two hour break and get back to damage control while I give our electrical engineers some time to think?”
Alanai nodded her assent, and he was not surprised to see Akkar, Andir, and Amira agree as well. Rykon also had misgivings about putting the final decision off, but with the passengers awake the situation would obviously have to be handled a bit differently than usual. He really had no choice but to agree. The others must have felt the same way, because soon they too were nodding. This was the first unanimous vote Rykon ever seen, and also one of the shortest meetings he had ever attended. Everyone seemed to be too tired to argue further.
“I'll see everyone back here in two hours, then. In the meantime, Alanai, I want you and yours to get word out to the passengers and let them know a little about what is wrong. Also tell them that the emergency ladders are for crew only, and to keep to their floors until we tell them otherwise. Our officers will have enough problems getting around without them underfoot. Everyone else, if the passengers ask what is going on, don't tell them the truth. If you do, I swear I will demote you.” Kevin stood, signaling the meeting's end, and left for the control room. The others hurried to resume their posts, and Rykon had every intention of returning to the Botanics Room when Aislyn cornered him again.
“Well, that was painless. Ready to head back with me?” Her perfume was almost stifling.
“Aislyn, I don't think this is the best time. Don't you have somewhere you should be?”
“I'm sick of coddling passengers. Besides, Alanai and her lackeys are doing a perfectly good job without me. And do you really think your underlings need you to tell them how to rip another door out of the wall?” She giggled derisively. Rykon experienced a small wave of annoyance; the door had been his idea. His crew were incapable of creative thinking.
“Keep it short,” he frowned at her. “The Commander will not be pleased if I come back to the meeting with no new information. The problem originated from my zone, and if I miss something important, it could have enormous repercussions for the ship.”
“Admit it. You just like feeling important.” She gave him an acidic grin.
“If you're trying to convince me not to go back with you, you're making good progress.”
She ignored his comment and took him firmly by the hand, almost dragging him back to her quarters. He allowed himself to be led because it was important when dealing with Aislyn to make her feel as though she was always in control. Rykon had a feeling that it would be necessary to keep Aislyn in a good mood to prevent this meeting from ending nastily.
All the senior officer's quarters were on the same deck as the Council room, so the walk was fairly short. He was very glad that he did not run into anyone on the Council, because he knew being seen with Aislyn would cause more than a little of a stir since their jobs were completely unrelated. Aislyn's heels clacked methodically against the hallway floor as they walked. Rykon wondered if she would have worn them if getting to meeting room had required her to use one of the emergency ladders. He caught another whiff of her perfume and concluded she probably would.
She entered the access code to her quarters with one flawlessly manicured nail. The door slid open, and she gestured for him to go in. She stepped in behind him, and he heard a subtle click as the door shut and locked behind her. Apparently she did not want anyone disturbing their little meeting without first making themselves known. Aislyn walked over to the couch in the center of the main room and dropped down upon it with a dramatic sigh. He followed, gazing around half-interestedly. The suite did not feel very lived in.
“This day has been so long!” She kicked her shoes off carelessly and curled her legs up next to her on the couch. Rykon sat down in a chair across from her, leaning into it gratefully. Whatever guilt he felt for following her back here instead of returning to his job was lessened slightly as the muscles of his back and shoulders began to relax and untense.
“What can I do for you, Aislyn?” He saw no point in small talk.
“I want something, and you're going to help me get it.”She smiled again.
“How do you figure?”
“Because getting what I want means getting what you want.”
“And what do you want?”
“I'll want the Commander.”
Suddenly it all made sense. Aislyn and the Commander had dated briefly five years ago, and it was clear that she had not moved on. She obviously wanted him to help her split the Commander and Alanai up. Which also meant that she knew how he felt about Alanai. Since she had not come out and said it, it was clear that this was the information she was intending to use as blackmail. He was not sure what exactly she was planning on doing with it, but he knew that asking would be pointless.
“What do you want me to do, pass him a note under the table at the meeting?”
She pointedly ignored his sarcasm. “No, I want you to break them up. I don't care how you do it, and I don't care whether or not you take her for yourself. But I need it done soon. Their relationship is weak right now, and the slightest doubt should be enough for them to give up on each other.”
“And if I say no?”
She rose from the couch and walked over to him, leaning down to bring her face close to his. “I'll make you more miserable than you already are.” Her breath tickled briefly on his lips as she spoke, stopping when she smiled at him again. She was very warm.
“What makes you think that's possible?”
She brought her right hand up and ran her fingers to his hair. “I know you, and I know me, and I know which one of us is the meaner person.”
He shut his eyes to think, enjoying the feel of her fingers against his scalp despite himself. It sounded like he had finally found his chance to hurt Alanai, but he resented having to work with Aislyn to achieve it. Doing it for her benefit cheapened his vengeance. Then again, if it amounted to the same thing, and all she was concerned with was with the rewards, there really wasn't a problem. He wondered why she thought it would be possible for him to break them up. Maybe she knew he would be ruthless and persistent if need be. Maybe she knew he already had a motive.
Maybe she knew something about how Alanai felt that he did not. He didn't want to think about it, but once the thought entered his mind it filled him with hope. It was moments like these that made him truly despise himself. He had to get rid of her hold on him somehow.
“I'll do it,” he murmured, opening his eyes and looking up at her.
“I know,” she purred. She brought her mouth down against his and kissed him insistently, digging her nails into the back of his neck. Rykon responded enthusiastically, but was inwardly amused at her tactics. She didn't need to seduce him to get her way, but he had a feeling if he stopped her she would feel slighted. Either that, or he lacked the willpower to stop her and was trying to rationalize his decision. Then again, maybe she knew that it wasn't necessary, and didn't care. Both of them were lonely people.
He shut his eyes again and pulled her down on top of him. His crew would have to do without him for a few minutes more.

6 comments:
My comments on the first ten paragraphs (It's a long road ahead!). Bear in mind that a lot of these are minor, but I figured you could use as much feedback as possible, and then you can feel free to ignore the stuff you disagree with. I like it so far!
first para:
This is a stylistic thing: I dislike the use of
"last night" in past-tense narratives. I'd use
"the previous night" or "the night before."
"working off"->"working off of"? makes it sound
like the sleep was unpleasant and he has to
get rid of it, like a hangover
"if a system is broken, it needed to be fixed"
tense conflict
second para:
"No one dared counter her, and anytime he spoke
out against her..." makes it sound like "he" is
the Commander, not Rykon.
third para:
nice use of "free indirect discourse," which
Mita keeps reminding us is a classic Austenian
device
"considering that talent" would be clearer
as "considering that that talent"
"liked her for her" perhaps clearer as "liked
her for her personality" or something
i like the "unable to separate her image from
her essence... spoiled painting" section a lot.
fourth para and dialogue: (none)
fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth paras: (none)
ninth para: "probably make the Commander"->
"probably have made the Commander" tenses
i REALLY like "Old Earth natives as a rule had
underdeveloped senses of humor" *giggle*
tenth para:
"the laughter her eyes faded" something missing?
1: Great. Excellent. Love the direction this is taking.
2: Maddo is awesome and totally right on.
3: Was it just my imagination... or is ALGAE the cause for all the malfunctions on this ship?!? LOL! Love it.
4: This just dawned on me as I was trying to read the story with fresh eyes: Alanai, Akkar, Amira, Andir, Aislyn. All "A" names with the first and last sounding similar in my mind. I know we may have discussed this back in the day, but perhaps a few names need to be changed. I, along with the masses, can get somewhat ADD and need more obvious markers for remembering names when first reading a book.
5: I actually really liked the ending to the chapter that I had seen previously, where Rykon begrudgingly admits his love for Alanai. Here, that is sort of a foregone conclusion (esp in the "As she lowered her glass..." paragraph). Can the forced admission maybe be worked back in on his walk to the meeting? It just FITS... I mean, it really makes his character understandable.
Allie: There's a reason for the "A" names that should have been made apparent in this chapter. Maybe I'll spell it out more directly. (It singles them out as powerful psychics in the Fleet. Remember Andir's true name is Yndir?)Rykon thinks about it several times before the meeting begins, but it makes perfect sense in my head, so I may not be being as clear as I thought.
Also, I liked ending on his admitting he loved her, but it was too short of a chapter. The paragraph is still there, it's just longer. Like...word for word as you read it. I'm not too sure where else it would go. =( The paragraph needs work, anyway. It's one of the two I don't like. Who knows how it will end up.
And yes, it is always the algae's fault.
Allison--It's nice to have a fan! Finally, someone who loves me for my grammatical prowess and not my sexy body! You hear that, Wren? I'm leaving you! You can't use me as your sexual playing anymore!
Also, couldn't sleep, so more comments! Yay!
Eleventh para:
I would rephrase the last
sentence to "It was the little
things that were the most
effective at getting under
Akkar's skin."
Twelfth, thirteenth paras: (none)
Fourteenth para:
"Her voice was as always guarded,
demure" awkward, move "as always"
to different part of sentence.
Fifteenth para:
"that is"-> "that was" (what hurt)
Sixteenth para: (none)
Seventeenth para and dialogue:
"nuisance, "which is likely all she
perceived it as" is=was
"burned in to him" in to=into
Eighteenth para and dialogue:
"She raised up on her toes"->
"She raised herself up..."?
Ninteenth para and dialogue:
"warmth of her" what part of her?
If you want it to be vague,
use "her warmth"
Twentieth, 21st, 22nd paras: (none)
23rd para:
"It must be"->"It must have been"
24th para:
Alanai is an empath one moment,
a telepath the next, then back
to empath. I'm confused.
25th para:
I like the idea that Rykon
thinks he's entitled to be
arrogant and others aren't, lol.
26th para: (none)
27th para:
"surprised to learn that this is
was" -the "is"
"significant division"->"a
significant division"?
"psyche"->"psyches"
"which is generally"->"which
was generally"
Ahh, I caught the naming thing!
Unfortunately, she's married and therefore off limits.
Thanks for all the lovely edits, Maddo.
Also, yay for you catching the subtle humor about the arrogance, and the naming bit.
The last of my comments! YAYYYY!!!
28th Para:
"it was likely the" would
flow better as "it was likely
that the"
29th para:
"He allowed the others" unclear
that "he" is Rykon
*giggles at the infinite
possiblities for Rykon slapstic
moment of being discovered
looking at Alanai*
30th para and dialogue:
"much better off" seems like
it would be clearer to me
if it were "much better"
The usage of "he" and "she"
gets a little confusing. I
would suggest using people's
names a little more often
throughout the entire story,
because even if it's relatively
clear who the pronouns refer
to, it can still be confusing
if you lose your place.
"out of spitefulness" can
just be "out of spite"
31st,32nd paras and dialogue:
Instead of "without a glance
back" I like "without a
backward glance," but that's
a personal preference.
33rd para and dialogue:
"delighteing internally that"
seems awkward to me. I would
use "delighting internally
at the fact that"
You used "on a short fuse"
earlier; changing it up might
be more interesting if you
can think of a way to reword
it and still get your point
across.
34th para and dialogue:
15->"fifteen" (minutes)
35th para:
I can never decide if "sir"
is supposed to be capitalized
36th para and dialogue:
"inward focus of their eyes"
is somewhat unclear
"ship.." supposed to be
one period or three?
"did not flow"->"does not flow"
"would" might be clearer
as "will" (systems fail)
37th para and dialogue:
"assimilated" seems a strange
word choice.
38th para and dialogue:
"system's"->"systems'"
39th para->"spoke": (none)
40th para:
"are"->"our"
"in" (some uninhabited rock)
->"on"
"gave" (our electrical crew)
->"give"
"sometime" (to see)
->"some time"
Keep an eye here on who
"he" is again.
41st para: (none)
42nd para:
"Rykon ever seen"->
"Rykon had ever seen"
43rd para->"progress":
*giggles about door removal
and "creative thinking"*
44th para: (none)
45th para:
"officer's"->"officers'"
"to meeting"->"to the meeting"
46th para:
"He"->"Rykon" I'm adamant
about this!
47th para and dialogue:
it."She (space between "
and she)
"I want the Commander"
(you know this one already)
48th para:
"ago" I would use "previously"
"him"->"Rykon" (otherwise
it could be the commander
if you don't read closely)
49th para and dialogue: (none)
50th para and dialogue:
"ran her fingers to his hair"
"through," maybe?
51st para:
"with was with" (the rewards)
"with was the rewards"
52nd para and dialogue:
"up at her"? Is she above?
53rd para and dialogue:
Is willpower one word?
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